Submarine Stolen, Total Take: $900

Here in North Georgia, a man's life work, building a submarine prototype for use by law enforcement, was stolen by a couple of ne'er do wells (his former neighbor and another redneck) for the grand total of $800 in scrap metal. The sub cost Ernie Godfrey over $30k to build, but he demonstrated it working before his untimely death.

Instead of negotiating a settlement with the thieves, I say we shoot them as water slugs.